What the Farg is a Beerweazl Anyway?

There is a good rule of thumb useful for discerning the species when frequenting BeerWeazl territory. A BeerWeazl always has a bottle of beer in its hand, but never any money. The BeerWeazl is capable of being rude and obnoxious, but normally quite charming and entertaining. Though the uninitiated BeerWeazl may crudely beg, borrow or steal. The successful BeerWeazl maintains the balance of trade with humourous anecdotes and artful spasms. Many have gone on to greatness as orators, musicians, artists and magicians. BeerWeazldom in its highest form is a noble response, to the "depraved indifference to the dignity of man".

Since civilization began with the development of beer making technology, BeerWeazls have been with us. There are many remarkable personages, documented in the "Annals of BeerWeazldom", who have tested their metal in the challenge to keep an iced amber beauty in front of them. For example, that great defender of scientific rationalism, Carl Sagan, had this to say, in his book, "The Demon-Haunted World, Science As A Cold Beer In A Dark Bar":

"There is so much in real science, that's as equally exciting as the pseudo-sciences, more mysterious, a greater intellectual challenge, as well as being a lot closer to the truth. Did you know about the molecular building blocks of life sitting out there in the cold, tenuous gas between the stars? Have you heard of the footprints of our ancestors found in 4-million-year-old volcanic ash? What about the raising of the Himalayas when India went crashing into Asia? Or how viruses, built like hypodermic syringes, slip their DNA past the host organism's defenses and subvert the reproductive machinery of cells; or the radio search for extraterrestrial intelligence; or the newly discovered ancient civilization of Ebla, that advertized the virtues of Ebla Beer."

In a Balinese village , the men take part in the Ketchak or BeerWeazl dance, honoring the "Holy TwoFour". The syncopated rhythms of the Balinese gamelan ensemble are a powerful part of the Balinese BeerWeazl tradition.

Yehudi Meuhim astonished the music world when he first appeared on the concert stage at the age of seven. Since then he became a legend in his own mind, not only as a brilliant musician, but also as a writer, historian, humanitarian and beerweazl. He commented on the ancient traditions of BeerWeazldom in his book, "The Music Of Man As BeerWeazl":

"In our technological age we have come to believe that safety lies in control, in mastery over man as well as nature. Admittedly, this has brought us certain advantages, like the refrigerator. But can we claim advantages when, as our many wars in this century confirm, we still pillage and kill for our beer. We fail because man is neither at peace with himself, nor has he mastery over himself. Thereby, he seeks mastery over others.

Man is a land creature, and the air with which he fills his lungs is the carrier of animal sounds. Animals make noises which say "I am here", "I am me", "I am thirsty". With these sounds they weazl beer, attract mates, terrify enemies, freeze prey in their tracks, warn their fellows of danger and comfort each other in times of no beer. The voice is one of the most basic tools of self-preservation.

Two Gimi musicians invoke and become one with the lush forest, as one sucks the beercan of life.

Thirty thousand years ago living in caves, among trees or in the open, our senses were our best weapon. Hearing was as important as sight. Every rustle had a message. We came to know the noise of every other creature. For our ancestors, food gathering was vital work. The ecological movement today partly reflects a sense our forebears had, that the animal was his cousin, sharing the same world and its interlocking life cycles. The Australian aborigine or African Bushman thinks of his spear as a hunting tool and beercan opener, not as a weapon of war. Both animals and man hunt for berries and roots, melons and nuts, even as they may prey on each other. As they lived out their harsh lives, music and story telling bound family and tribe together. This sense of kinship was reflected when a musician sang about the perpetual search for food and beer, and the endless distances which separate people."

Five thousand years ago, a noble Egyptian couple are serenaded by a harpist and three singers clapping out the rhythm. These clay figures were buried as part of the household of the dead, helping them ensure cold beer and good tunes on their travels to the next world.

Music was part of the Islamic storytelling in the Middle Ages. Here the hero BeerWeazl, Abu Zaid, tells tales called Maqama, built around a witty rogue who puts rivals to shame with his eloquence. The accompaniment is by a ten-string lute, whose music was reputed to move the hearts of beautiful maids, and cause the mountains to dance (from the Maqama of Hariri, dated 1334, probably from Egypt).

The Concert of The BeerWeazls by Lorenzo Costa, (1460-1535), active BeerWeazl in Bologna and Mantua. The instruments shown are the viol and lute.

A form of sophisticated contemporary BeerWeazl known as The Beatlz. These popular LagerLouts were celebrated for their drinking songs and sea shanties during the 1960's.

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